Fight #1: Obama vs. Pujols

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The Matchup: Barack Obama vs. Albert Pujols

Size: Obama checks in at 6'1", 180 lbs. Pujols has him edged at 6'3", 230 lbs. Advantage Pujols.

Speed: Pujols isn't necessarily known for his speed and quickness. He's known for his power. I've seen Barack play hoop with the best of 'em. He must have some sneaky speed in there. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt because he's the President of the United States. Advantage Obama.

Power: Pujols jacks home runs out of Busch Stadium like Obama signs Presidential papers. Advantage Pujols.

Smarts: I've never seen Pujols doing the work of an intellectual. He relies on his brute strength. He's good at reading pitchers, but Obama is good at reading books. Does that mean either of them can fight? No. The question is, which has the better fight IQ? Obama spends most of his time in a full suit. Pujols is in athletic gear, getting dirty on the playing surface each day. Advantage Pujols.

Intangibles: There are a few intangible factors here. The referee is a big one. He's got the power to stop a fight at any time. Barack has the intangible edge. He's the fucking President. He gets all the calls. It's human nature. Advantage Obama.

Toughness: Maybe the most important factor of all. Who is tougher? Who's going to be more difficult to knock out? Mentally, I think Obama has the goods. He handles major catastrophes every day in the Oval Office. But Pujols is a solid man. He's endured quite a bit and kept a level head. Guy wins MVP after MVP and he's only earned 1 ring as a result of his greatness. He comes across as a tough man. You can't ignore how big a factor his size is. You need a lot of power to beat someone who's bigger than you. Advantage Pujols.

The Decision: I can't pick our President in this case. He drew a tough first-round matchup. He's an old man, for Christ's sake! Almost 50, taking on a prime athlete! Sorry Barack. Albert Pujols gets the knockout in the 1st round.

Pujols moves on to face the winner of tomorrow's matchup between Dustin Pedroia and Larry Fitzgerald. That's gonna be a great bout. I wish I could just say Pedroia will toss everyone's shit across the ring in every fight, but I need to do the real analysis. Stay tuned people.